It’s been awhile

I know I haven’t posted something new in about a week or so. I guess it is just because I have all of these “blogger/potential writer” cliches floating around in my head, and I didn’t want to write something because I would be too critical of it. First of all, I guess I just need to calm down and write whatever comes to mind (well not everything, but most of it 😉 because I never know when I may get a cool idea or something. Also, all weekend I was going over in my head how I didn’t want to write a fanfiction because I was worried that it would be cliche, and all the stories and “ideas” are basically the same thing nowadays. I don’t want to write fanfiction like everybody else. I want it to be how I think things should be, not like another one that has already been written. But then that’s the problem. I read so much fanfiction, as well as books in general, that I would fear that if I wrote something, it would all sound like something else. True, there are stories that sound similar, but I don’t want the whole concept and plot to be almost identical. Hopefully one of these nights I’ll have an interesting dream and wake up and write down everything that happened (like the case with the one CSI:NY fanfic I wrote in the 45 minutes after I woke up one morning. It just came out of nowhere.). I think maybe I should look at the list of archetypes that are commonly used, and the ones that are not. I mean, people who write are usually inspired by something, or they need to tell a story because they want someone else to know about it and share it with others. I don’t want to have to look at different things to write about. I want it to just flow out of me. I have had problems with this, because for so many years now, I have had all of these ideas and such floating around in my head, and I guess out of fear, or the feeling that I wasn’t writing enough or it was dumb led me to never writing anything down. I have probably around 12 journals that I have started to write in but never finished. I don’t think I have finished a journal in my life. Maybe if I become more serious and have it out with me. Writing is a lifestyle, and I don’t consider myself a writer yet, I would like to think that sometime in the near future I will be. I just hate how I am always in this “school” mindset, where I don’t know how to start and am worried about grammar and stuff and “what people will think of it” (got that mindset from the whole “trade and grade” thing teachers liked to make us do in school). Of course if you are going to be a writer, not everyone is going to like what you write. There are many controversial people who write things and do well (because like-minded people buy their work) and then there is the other 3/4 of people who hate their work and criticize it. They weren’t trying to be controversial when they wrote it (well maybe some were….you never know with people these days) because that is their view of things, and they may have their own small following of people who have and support the same views.

With that being said, I don’t want to come to a point where all of the people I know and are close to my family (most of who are religious church-goers) to think something of me and treat me differently because of that. I know you can’t worry about what people think, but when you have 3/4 of the people you know thinking one way, and you are in the 1/4 with others who you don’t really know personally, it can make things a bit hard. I just don’t want to be turned away from the people I love for potentially writing something that will make them think I am crazy, need help, feel sad for me and tell me where I’m going (hell), etc. (S/N: I told my family I am taking a break from religion because it is just not working for me right now and I have different ideas and thoughts). Of course, there are the people who take what I say and then try to play 20 Questions with it. That really gets on my nerves. For example, I would post something on Twitter or whatever, and then get a whole mini-interrogation on why I think that way and why I have to say that. I don’t feel like everything I do in my life should have an explanation. Hint hint, MY life. But I don’t want to be disrespectful or anything, since I am dealing with adults and want to be treated as an equal (though it seems that lately it’s been half and half with those who do take me seriously, and those who don’t).

Anyways, back to the writing(that little tangent goes with the writing thing). I will probably have to write out things to say so that I am able to express myself in a way that shows that I am being serious, but not disrespectful. For example, sometimes I get a fair amount crap for posting whatever is on my mind on Twitter, and I guess I can’t put everything out there and just have to kindly let people know that they can unfollow me if they have a problem with what I am saying. No one is holding a gun to anyone’s head saying that they must follow me (unless they keep following me to spy on me or something, which would just be weird). I know on the other post I was complaining about someone blocking me on Twitter, but maybe that person was offended with something that I said and felt the need to not see my tweets on my timeline anymore. It is not hard to click “unfollow”, but I guess this person had other issues since they felt the need to block me and we never even talked (just had common interests). Anyways, with that being said, I think I am going to either go read Harry Potter (I’m on Order of the Phoenix now), watch Californication/keep working on my drawing of David Duchovny (which is actually turning out to be promising!), or go lie in the bed and browse the web some more. I had a 2 hour nap earlier, so I probably won’t be going to bed any time soon. Hopefully, if you’re reading this, you enjoyed my mini-rant (if it is even that).

-Laurel

I’m still trying to think of ways to end these blog posts without sounding like I am talking on the phone with someone or ending a show or something (i.e., “until next time, bye!”) 😛

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